I Never Went Surfing… Because I Didn’t Want to Look Fat

by Karen Elizaga | Posted: July 2nd, 2010 | 1 Comment »

I spent the last 10 days in Honolulu with family and friends. There was some tennis, a little jog and, for the first time ever, surfing. Yes, real surfing on a longboard with an instructor who is a surf legend of sorts. I’ve wanted to do it for years, but for whatever reason I didn’t. And I am so glad that I did!

But the surfing experience caused me to reflect on why, at age 39 and having grown up in Honolulu, I’d never set foot on a surfboard til this past Monday. Why never? Fear of my fat squishing in different ways as I imagined myself maneuvering on a surfboard. Sound familiar?

Crazy thing is I have no excuse! Almost 20 years ago, my friends and I enjoyed an off the charts summer. We went out nightly, did silly and sometimes irresponsible things and met lots of new people. Among these new people, I began to date this fun-loving, handsome and hilarious surfer. Surfer? Yes, surfer. And still, I never got up on a surfboard. I remember considering attempting it, but was too petrified of baring my scantily clad body while twisting, torquing and possibly falling off the board… especially in front of him!

This past Monday, I immediately regretted that decision. It was so much fun!! I felt so free, so joyful and so playful. I got to swim around with my daughter, who at 7, was having her first surf lesson. For two hours, I was able to look at the Waikiki shore and Diamond Head, appreciating the beauty of the place I grew up. I shared with my daughter an activity she found so enchanting!

I even watched in admiration as she recovered from a hit to the (bloodied) nose and got right back up on the board. Wow, she rocks! I did have moments of self-consciousness, but mostly they related to whether my bikini bottom remained intact (and this is so even when I know that I am not at my fittest, to say the least…). “Why have I never done this before?” was the refrain that kept repeating in my head.

Imagine that. I could have had 20 years of this fantastic, aerobic, amazingly fun activity. Instead, I let my body consciousness get the better of me. No longer…

What are YOU holding yourself back from because of self-consciousness? How much fun, achievement or freedom are you missing out on? What will you add to your life if you can get around yourself?