This guy is in love. So in love. He has found who is clearly his soulmate. He is enjoying a new blended family. They’re planning a wedding of their best friends and family. She adores him. I was so happy to listen to him and to witness his glow. And yet, he felt he needed to turn down the volume.

Why? He clearly feels amazing and is energized by his love. I wanted him to enjoy every bit! And I loved listening to the breadth of his feelings for his fiancée. So inspiring!

Do you ever have moments like that – where you feel the need to mute your happiness, success or good fortune? It is natural, I suppose. But squashing your emotions only hurts you and deprives those around you from experiencing your authenticity.

As my trainer said the other day, let it shine! You never know who you might inspire.

Unfortunately, habits die hard. They are etched and ingrained into your brain – that’s why you’re on autopilot. The trick with developing a new habit and ditching an old one is that you must put in the effort to create the new. The new, productive one must override the old. The old habit remains, it’s just suffocated for the moment by (or as long as you embrace) the new one!

Whether you’re tucking into a candy bar daily at 3pm, regularly drinking too much, rarely expressing yourself when you ought to, never saying no, or going to bed at unreasonable hours – whatever your patterns that don’t serve you are – there is potential for change! Here’s how.

• Think about the habit – what will happen if you continue to follow this pattern? Really, what’s the awful consequence, the worst case scenario, even? Think years down the line. How is this habit going to wreck what would otherwise be a great existence?
• Think about kicking the habit – what will happen if you DO make a change? How different, productive and even amazing will your life be as a result of your commitment and action to change?
• Make a change – ideally, you take an enormous step toward how you want to live. Drink soda? Cut it out entirely. Not getting enough sleep? Get into bed at 10pm. Do it today.
• Tweak – whether you can make this enormous step or not, make little tweaks. Don’t workout at all? Take a brisk walk with a friend today. See how that makes you feel. Losing your shit on your family all the time? Take a deep breath and count to 10 before speaking.
• Observe and enjoy – once you start making the changes, big and little, make sure you take time to watch how they’re affecting you. How much better to you feel? How much happier are you? This is the addictive part – when you know how much better you feel, you want to do it more!
• Give yourself credit – remember to give yourself a pat on the back for making the effort. You won’t get to the end without your own encouragement, and you can appreciate your change process.

If you’re annoyed, frustrated, angry, or disappointed with yourself, do something to fix something! Little progress gives rise to something much bigger.

I did not expect to be so inspired by this book. I’ve never read anything by Mitch Albom (sports writer and author of such books as “Tuesdays with Morrie” and “The Five People You Meet in Heaven”). To be honest, I just picked it up in an airport as I was browsing the racks for the latest US Magazine and Life & Style (trashy gossip mags are my vice and indispensable when I travel) only because I’d read all of mags on the way over.

So I picked up “have a little faith” in which Albom chronicles the lives of two religious men, one rabbi and one reverend. One who’d sort of seemed pre-destined to be a man of religion, and the other who found his way there via drugs, crime and jail. The whole story really begins because, for some reason, Albom’s long-time rabbi asks him to give his eulogy when he passes, and being the journalist that he is, Albom embarks on a mission of discovery about this man’s life.

In the process of his discovery about this reverend, the author learns a lot about himself, his beliefs (yes, about religion but also about others and differences) and how to live authentically, happily and in service of others.

Throughout the book, there are so many life lessons and succinctly and beautifully written passages about how, in fact, despite differences in belief, culture and life’s trajectory, we are all the same. We can help each other, inspire each other and love one another, no matter who we are or where we’ve come from. No one is more right than the other. This is especially meaningful to me, as this weekend, I witnessed the beauty and love of another bar mitzvah, a tradition which I did not grow up with, but in which I can appreciate, and even covet, the love, introspection and celebration of family.

One of my favorite passages, where the rabbi is talking to the author:

“The genius of life is its variety. Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing – debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It’s like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting that note all the time, you would go nuts. It’s the blending of the different notes that makes the music.”

I love taking cues from various cultures, religions, ethnicities, philosophies, etc. I like taking on good learnings and inspiration that make my own life more productive. I myself am part Chinese, but culturally not as much, so I thought i would do a little digging about Chinese new year and the year of the Dragon.

In the Chinese culture, new year is the most important holiday. In addition to the celebration with family and friends and gift-giving, Chinese custom is to clean out the house (and ourselves!) to make way for all the good fortune that the new year will bring. Isn’t that a great idea?

Think about all the old stuff we hold onto in our lives. The piles of unused stuff in our closet. The masses of papers and magazines that we don’t throw out. The old grudges and habits we cling to.

Take the opportunity on this Chinese new year to think about what you’ll leave behind and the good fortune which you will make room for! Let’s clean house! And by the way, it’s the year of the Dragon! The dragon is known in Chinese culture to deliver good fortune and to be master of one’s destiny. All good energy, whether you are Chinese or not!

Happy new year!

I don’t know about you, but I am happy to spend days while on beach vacations lazing by the pool and looking at the ocean. I, quite honestly, OD’d on chips and guacamole, and the sunshine was just too delicious. But I also like activities, especially ones that are harder to execute in New York City. On this one day, said activity was ziplining in a water park.

But here were the issues:

• Someone (me) had to organize this and figure out where to go and how to get there.
• Someone (me) is a total germophobe and for the most part is not a fan of these water parks.
• Someone (my 5 year old son) had never ziplined and had fear (understandable) of taking that leap.
• Someone (my husband) is not a fan of heights. At all.
• Someone (me) was super happy to have more guacamole by the pool.
• Someone (me) could have taken a nap.

Anyway, I could go on. My 8 year old daughter, of course, was full throttle into the idea and spent time convincing her brother that it was a fantastic idea.

The biggest thing to overcome, for us, was Finn’s trepidation. It was much easier for me to suck it up and get over the germs and my desire to read my book while listening to the waves crash. In theory, he wanted to zipline into the water, but when he was faced with the reality of other park goers flying through the air, he thought better of it. He was not having it.

Ultimately, we got him to go – and to go somewhat willingly. Here was the conversation on the 43 second first zip:

Him: “I AM NOT DOING THIS AGAIN!”

Me (while screaming and laughing with joy): “Yes, we are! This is so fun!”

Him: “NO I AM NOT!”

Me (knowing we had at least 6 more zips): “Yes we are!”

Him (now on the other side and safely carabinered): “THAT WAS SO FUN!!! I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN!!!”

The afternoon continued, and we slid down a massive water slide and ziplined into the water, Finny solo on the latter. He came to a point where it wasn’t an option to go tandem, and he just wouldn’t go solo, so he and I took a land vehicle back to the main lobby… But he flew on 7. And the four of us had such a fantastic time, dirty, smelly and everything.

We’ll remember that always. All because we got up off our butts, took a deep breath and jumped.

Ask yourself two questions:

• What wonderful and amazing experiences have I had because I was able to push through and set aside my fears, force of habit or sheer inertia?
• What am I missing out on because I don’t generally push through and set aside my fears, force of habit or sheer inertia?

See if you can take that deep breath and jump! To say there is tremendous upside is an enormous understatement!

As we age, we grow, whether we are aware of it or not. Think about the person you were 15 or 25 years ago. Different. Despite all of our hard work in school, we were more limited in experience and knowledge. And yet, we put in the time to learn.

Now, our experience is more empirical. We get our knowledge from what we have seen and experienced in the world. But just as we learned in school, we still have the opportunity to learn from teachers.

Look around you. Who are the people who can and are infusing you with more knowledge? Think about whether there is a seminar you can attend, a class you can take, or a teacher, coach or therapist who can support your continued growth in life.

Years ago, I was reluctant to take on “formal” self-development. I resisted the idea of actually attending a seminar where I would learn about how to improve my life and acquire tools to enhance my experiences. After all, isn’t it my job to help others to do that? What does that say if I need… a seminar, a coach, a therapist, a teacher? How does that affect my credibility?

Well, I took it on, and I haven’t looked back. I feel so lucky to have these teachers who continue to bring different perspectives and varied learnings to me.

No matter how smart we are, there is so much that we don’t know. Look around and figure out who can enhance your life by sharing with you their knowledge and life’s learnings. Trainer. Coach. Nutritionist. Doctor. Seminar. Naturopathic doctor. Acupuncturist. Yoga instructor. HR professional. Travel expert. Speaker. Thinker. Author. Mother. Voice coach. The list is endless.

It could even be a friend. You can learn and grow by having those conversations where you’re listening and not just waiting to speak. You’d be surprised at what thoughts and growth that alone will spark! I am so grateful everyday for the multitude of amazing women (especially) who populate my world and who teach me new things daily!

Happy learning this new year!

“I think it’s a guy/girl thing. Women will get in shape because they want to drop weight for a wedding or because they have to be in a bikini, but men just seem to do it all the time. My husband gets up and goes to the gym every morning. He doesn’t even think about it.” Grr.

I was upset to hear this woman speaking for all of womankind. I love women and like to stand up for everything we are, we can do and we ought to have. So to hear this woman use our womanhood as an excuse for not taking care of our bodies pissed me off.

Women get up everyday to go to the gym. I know tons of them. I am inspired by many of them! They run marathons. They do triathlons. They walk miles and lift heavy weights. They do so when they’re healthy. They do so even given health conditions that say they can’t. They make time for themselves even when they have other pressing demands in their lives. Women get up everyday to go to the gym.

The women that I’m talking about have chosen health. They’re beyond losing weight for that one particular event. They feel good. They see their efforts positively impacting their health. They ENJOY their exercise! Because they do, the exercise sticks. They want to be doing this, rather than feeling like they’re slogging through it.

In fact, a woman I know, Ingrid, has managed to drop a good chunk of lbs, and she feels totally different and energetic because she’s changed her eating habits (no small feat, as she works with one of America’s most talented chefs) and picked up a healthy gym habit. She admitted, however, that the second she walks into the gym, she has moments of “oh god, here I go again.” She has feelings of dread sometimes, for sure. But then she does her gig on the treadmill, and she feels so good and is so thrilled that she’s just done it. She can’t believe she even paused for a moment – that’s how amazing she feels. And it’s stuck. She looks amazing and feels fantastic and happy!

How can this be you too?

• Choose health! Make exercise a priority because it is an important part of your maintaining and even improving your own physical, mental and emotional health. Make the effort about health and vitality, not about skinny.
• Calendar your exercise! Create appointments in your calendar that commit you to your run, a spin class or even a session with a trainer, whether or not anyone else is involved. YOU are the one you need to keep accountable to. This way, you can’t overschedule yourself to the detriment of an exercise regimen.
• Notice and embrace how you feel. Once you start exercising regularly, take note of how you feel. Do you need less caffeine? Are you happier? Do you feel more energized? Oh okay, and you can also take note of how much looser your jeans are, too. Here, exercise becomes addictive.
• Pick activities that make you sing! Maybe not literally, but embark on activities that make your heart not only race for cardio purposes, but also for pure joy. I LOVE my spin classes. Dancing on my bike at 615 in the morning makes me feel like I’m in a club! I love it and always look forward to going.
• Rally your friends. One reason I love going to the gym in the mornings is I see the same people and have funny conversations that keep me engaged when the workouts are tough. See who will join you on your quest for health through exercise.

Exercise is a key part of your lifestyle. It will give you more energy and confidence. It maintains your youth. You will perform better at work and also in your personal (even intimate!) relationships. This is not just about a new year’s resolution. This is for life.

Vitality. Where can you buy it? Who makes it?

The good news is you do. Youth comes from within, rather than all the creams and procedures. Youth is inside of you! How do you uncover it?

• Be kind to yourself. Think loving, happy thoughts that will keep your anxiety and self-flagellation at bay.
• Exercise. The chemical/physiological effect exercise has on your body is the one thing some doctors say is the key to maintaining your youth.
• Eat well. Susan’s tips for eating nutritious, whole food meals and snacks will keep you young. The average American diet is aging us faster than we need to age because our bodies must combat all the chemicals and hormones that our bodies weren’t intended to digest.
• Engage your youth. Do stuff that makes you feel good and happy – whether it’s an art class, riding a bike, or pursuing a long-held dream.
• Think young. Stop acting your age (or older!). Who says you can’t have fun or do silly things any more? We are only as old as the way we think.
• Love. Love yourself – I can’t overemphasize how important this aspect of life is. It’s the stuff that fuels us and

Happy new year!

Resolutions actually take more time than we allot for them. I suspect that in the quiet between Christmas and New Year’s Eve, people start thinking about what changes they would like to implement. They do so while driving, exercising or doing the laundry. The resolutions are sort of out there in the ether.

The key, though, if we are to make a go of any resolutions, is to set aside some time to really focus on what you want out of this brand new year, write it all down and then focus on the why and the how. It’s not enough to make resolutions in the abstract. Resolutions must be clear and compelling, complete with action plan.

So, if you feel you’ve already failed and are already throwing in the towel… that resolutions are for other people and that you can’t do them, commit to a week of reflecting on your resolutions, and:

• Start writing. I break down my resolutions into (1) body/mind/spirit, (2) work, and (3) family/relationship. Break it down however it works for you.
• Under each category, write down your broadbrush strokes. For example, since it’s common to renew fitness goals in January, “I commit to being fit through exercise and nutrition.” Come up with broad goals under each of your categories.
• Sit and think about WHY each resolution is important to you. In our example, mine would be to feel great, have lots of energy and sustained health so that I can be around for a long time with my kids. Without a really compelling driver, your resolutions will just sit, untouched.
• And then the how… HOW are you going to implement each resolution? It’s way too big and broad to say I will be fit… What are actions that you will take to achieve your fitness? So, the subpoints under our example might be: “Exercise 4x a week. Replace soda with water. Limit desserts to 2x a week. Begin workouts with a trainer in January.” Make sure these actions are actionable (that they are doable) and that you can measure yourself against them.

I say take a week to do this so that you really have time to create meaningful resolutions and action items that will make them stick. Begin with the broad brush strokes, and during the week, you can gauge for yourself whether the resolution really means something to you (has a compelling reason that drives you) and then how exactly you will execute. January 5 is not too late. You’re not a failure. If you already feel like you’ve broken your resolutions to yourself (I am guilty myself), today is another day for a another effort!

For me, especially with Pat, my brother’s oldest friend, his death was shocking. Accidental and therefore totally surprising, it made me so sad to think of the life he was building and the tremendous loss his mother must feel – I couldn’t bear it and cried for his loss. I know my brother is wrecked by this, as they have been friends from the second they met in 4th grade.

Clare, whom I did not know well at all, but whom many of my friends loved and admired, went suddenly… only a couple of days after I’d taken my first (of what I thought would be many) spin class from her. My friends cried many tears for her.

Both deaths, though, made me think about how we tend to take life for granted. I know I take it as truth that I will wake up every tomorrow. So those plans I’ve been making? Tomorrow is another day. That thing I’ve wanted to try? Yeah, I’ll get around to it sometime. The trifling, annoying things that bug me or for which I beat myself up? Yeah, I’ll let myself worry/agonize/self-flagellate.

I also don’t give it a second thought that those also around me and whom I love will also get up the next morning. And so, things are left unsaid. Grudges kept. Hugs forgotten. Sorries withheld.

And so, as we begin the year with renewed hope and dreams and aspirations, let’s honor these two young and amazing people who left earth too soon by living today. Let’s not sleep through 2012, assuming that what we want, need or aspire to can wait til tomorrow. Let’s say the things we want to say, release ill feelings toward our loved ones and remember to share the abundance of love and gratitude. I’m sure Clare and Pat thought about tomorrow. We are the lucky ones that got to live it. Rest in peace, you two. Maybe you’ll meet in Heaven.